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Holiday Singles

by Captain Ambivalent

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1.
Why does the man say “Ho, Ho, Ho”? Why does he disrespect us so? Why does he use such hateful speech And undermine our self-esteem? No, no! No, no! The man who says “Ho, ho, ho” must go! No, no! No, no! The man who says “Ho, ho, ho” must go! Why does he live at the North Pole Take toymaking jobs offshore? Why does he run a sweatshop filled With underpaid non-union elves? No, no! No, no! The man who says “Ho, ho, ho” must go! No, no! No, no! The man who says “Ho, ho, ho” must go! Deforesting the evergreens, Encouraging obesity, Endangered species pull his sleigh – Nicholas, he is no saint! Why is the old man such a creep Watching people while they sleep? Why does he list “naughty” and “nice” Then give by parents’ paycheck size? No, no! No, no! The man who says “Ho, ho, ho” must go! No, no! No, no! The man who says “Ho, ho, ho” must go!
2.
It’s that time of year – when all the world is tired of Christmas carols (we’ve heard them since July) That’s the time of year – when stores put out their holiday apparel And other merchandise Merry Christmas to the lovely Christmas sweaters Merry Christmas to the lovely Christmas socks Merry Christmas to the people who would like to flee this carol They’ll have to run for blocks ’cause I’m loud Merry Christmas to the girl with all the piercings Merry Christmas to the guy with giant plugs Merry Christmas to the people who are dressing up like zombies Oops, I guess they’re not dressed up It’s the time of year – when zombies come around to eat your family (at least the slowest ones) It’s the time of year – we gather with our friends to loot the Wal-Mart In search of food and guns Merry Christmas to the people in the Wal-Mart Merry Christmas to the people with the guns Merry Christmas to the people who have been turned into zombies Oops, we’ll have to run for blocks after all.

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These songs may get me visited by three ghosts...

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released December 25, 2015

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Captain Ambivalent Valparaiso, Indiana

A satirical singer/ songwriter/ superhero with a sparkly gold accordion. His glacial rise from obscurity to international obscurity began in Valparaiso, Indiana and has grown to include Doctor Demento, The Midnight Special, South Bend Public Television, PierogiFest, GenCon, one-man shows in Fringe Festivals and alternative theaters, and even a brief cameo on America’s Got Talent. ... more

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