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Save The Orcs - EP

by Captain Ambivalent

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Debuted in the halls of GenCon and National Association of Crazed Gamers (Nascrag) awards ceremony. As you can see from the track list, this one collects my nerdier material. I call it an EP because the tracks are all pretty short.
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      $5 USD  or more

     

  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Comes in a shrinkwrapped cardboard sleeve without spine. Photo courtesy of John Lodder.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Save The Orcs - EP via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 2 days
    Purchasable with gift card

      $5 USD or more 

     

  • Full Digital Discography

    5
    releases

    Get all 5 Captain Ambivalent releases available on Bandcamp and save 10%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of She Takes Bad Selfies - Polka Single, Save The Orcs - EP, Holiday Singles, Pirate Ninja Zombie, and Fear The Accordion. , and , .

    Purchasable with gift card

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1.
Save The Orcs - DnD Parody 02:05
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Well I’d like to call attention for a moment To the fatal implications of our deeds We are wiping out a species on this planet And if we don’t stop it soon they’ll be extinct… We’ve got to save the orcs We’ve got to save the orcs Wandering adventuring bands have devastated their lands We’ve got to save the orcs I cannot be silent any longer The dungeons and the lands you call unknown And say that you discovered when you plunder For centuries the orcs have called their home… We’ve got to save the orcs We’ve got to save the orcs Wandering adventuring bands have devastated their lands We’ve got to save the orcs Now here’s a final thought you should remember – Whether of the eye or of the hand They’ve been tortured and transformed by evil wizards But they once were elves and could be elves again… We’ve got to save the orcs We’ve got to save the orcs Everyone should listen to me because I’m changing the key We’ve got to save the orcs We’ve got to save the orcs We’ve got to save the orcs Wandering adventuring bands have devastated their lands We’ve got to save the orcs
2.
Dungeon Master's Lament - DnD Parody 01:42
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My little brother wants to play but he wants to be a half-orc paladin I told him it don’t work that way but the parents say we have to let him He’s gonna totally trash my carefully crafted steam-punk anime campaign! You see the mayor stroke his beard, say “I think I have a job that you might fit” My little brother scoffs and sneers, says “I draw my sword,” and rolls to hit Now I’ve totally got twelve pages of plot I have to tear out and throw away I’m surrounded by cretins, bloodthirsty cretins, they’re always getting in the way Of the carefully balanced narrative talents I prepared for days and days My little brother says OK he will switch to an elf barbarian If he can have a dragon steed, claws like Wolverine, and a bacon golem Now the others all say that they’d rather play here if my brother runs the game! I’m surrounded by cretins, bloodthirsty cretins, they’re always getting in the way Of the carefully balanced narrative talents I prepared for days and days Now they’re hackin and slashin, blastin and bashin, with no subtlety or shame I’m surrounded by cretins, bloodthirsty cretins, gosh I hope they let me play
3.
Going Back To Town - Computer RPG Parody 01:45
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“I see you are adventurers,” the tavern keeper said “I heard about a crypt nearby infested with undead” My friends and I we sallied forth to take a look around And mighty quick our butts were kicked. We’re going back to town. Oh, we’re going back to town, boys, we’re going back to town Our magic’s spent, our armor rent, and half the party’s down Oh, we’re going back to town, boys, we’re going back to town ‘Cause past the gates the fallen wait and all our wounds are bound “It’s good to see you back again,” the tavern keeper cried “I hear that there’s a haunted tomb out in the countryside” My friends and I we sallied forth to take a look around The level boss killed all of us and now we’re back in town Oh, now we’re back in town, boys, now we’re back in town We’ll raise a cup and level up and track our killers down Oh, now we’re back in town, boys, now we’re back in town ‘Cause past the gates the fallen wait and all our wounds are bound So we asked the tavern keeper, “What’s the difference between the tomb and the crypt?” And he said, “Remains to be seen!” Oh, friendly tavern keeper, keep your rumors to yourself Just stepping in and out of town, we’ll stay in perfect health Why bother sally forth when we can never really leave? We’ll sit right here and drink your beer for all eternity Oh, we’re staying here in town, boys, we’re staying here in town We’re kind of like undead ourselves, so pour another round Oh, we’re staying here in town, boys, we’re staying here in town ‘Cause past the gates the fallen wait and all our wounds are bound
4.
Miskatonic University Fight Song - Lovecraft Parody 01:31
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We’re reading all the ancient books that ought not to be read Hearing the forbidden words that ought not to be said Swapping minds with aliens, conversing with the dead – And out on the football field we fill our foes with dread! Rah, Rah, Miskatonic! Rah, Rah, Miskatonic! Fight Fight Fight until we die or go insane Rah, Rah, Miskatonic! Rah, Rah, Miskatonic! When Cthulu calls ‘yoo hoo’ we’ll sink him in the sea again! Now you may be an Elder God from somewhere out in space A recently thawed remnant of a frozen ancient race An unspeakable horror gibbering without a face – Mighty Miskatonic U will put you in your place! Rah, Rah, Miskatonic! Rah, Rah, Miskatonic! Fight, Fight, Fight until we go insane or die – Rah, Rah, Miskatonic! Rah, Rah, Miskatonic! Miskatonic! Miskatonic! Fight! Fight! Fight!
5.
My Baby Is A B-Movie Zombie 02:14
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My baby doll she was dead Then she got re-animated! And now she’s knockin’ knockin’ knockin’ on her coffin door ‘Come on and let me out, I wanna party some more!’ Diggin’ to the surface with her bony claws Howlin’ and a screamin’ and a moanin’ ’cause She wants to boogie oogie oogie when the sun goes down Boogie oogie oogie gonna rock this town She’s got the glowing eyes and the bony hands But boy, that girl can dance! My baby died in the place Where they store the toxic waste! And now she’s bangin’ bangin’ bangin’ on the graveyard gate ‘Come on and let me out ’cause I don’t wanna be late! Oh the pretty boys are not her thang -‘ She’s lookin’ for a man with brains! She wants to boogie oogie oogie when the sun goes down Boogie oogie oogie gonna rock this town She’s got the glowing eyes and the bony hands But boy, that girl can dance! My baby wants braaaaaaaaiinnnsss! My baby wants braaaaaaaaiinnnsss! My baby wants braaaaaaaaiinnnsss! My baby wants braaaaaaaaiinnnsss! My baby lived in the cellar She became a Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller! And now she’s chompin’ chompin’ chompin’ with the rest of the C.H.U.D. ‘Come on and let me out because I’m hungry for love!’ Breakin’ lonely hearts and other parts as well My baby’s gonna raise some hell She wants to boogie oogie oogie when the sun goes down Boogie oogie oogie gonna rock this town She’s got the glowing eyes and the bony hands But boy that girl can dance!
6.
Time Travel Paradox Song 01:37
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Hello this is future me I’m calling from the third verse With a dire warning, it’s an apocalyptic wasteland If you sing the chorus now you may avoid disaster Unless singing the chorus is what brings it all about We will sing the chorus We will sing the chorus now We sill sing the chorus Sing the chorus anyhow Hello this is past me I am calling from the first verse The one that got pre-empted by the message from the future Everything I planned to sing got totally re-written Resulting in a paradox that’ll destroy the universe We will sing the chorus We will sing the chorus now We sill sing the chorus Sing the chorus anyhow My intention was to write a simple pop song I still don’t understand where it went wrong I never meant to put the universe in danger But there might be time to save it if you sing along… We will sing the chorus We will sing the chorus now We sill sing the chorus Sing the chorus anyhow
7.
History Of The Future 02:27
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Went to sleep back in the ’30s Then I woke up in the future There were skyscrapers and zeppelins and steam trains You could tell the aliens by the way they dressed The heroes all were socialist And rocket ships sounded like fast propellor planes That was the history of the future But now that future’s history Now that we live in the past future What will our future future be? Went to sleep back in the ’50s Then I woke up in the future There were monorails and hovercars and robot maids You could tell the aliens by their rubber suits The heroes all were resolute And rocket ships sounded like theramin playing That was the history of the future But now that future’s history Now that we live in the past future What will our future future be? Went to sleep back in the ’70s Then I woke up in the future Which was actually a long long time ago and far away And the aliens were muppets And the heroes kind of misfits And rocket ships sounded like speeding jet planes But one thing never seems to change Yeah, one thing always stays the same Yeah, one thing no matter what the age The hairstyles of the future are the same as those today… Whenever today might be Went to sleep again the other day And I woke up in the future All the scenery was drawn in by computer All the alients were computer, too The heroes didn’t have much to do But recreate the future dreams of past ages
8.
The Computer Is Your Friend - Paranoia Parody 02:00
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Good morning citizens of the complex Standing in line for happy fun time Just look around at all the smiles ‘Cause anyone not smiling Must be plotting treason! If you see something say something Trust no one keep your laser handy Oh oh oh oh – and remember: The Computer Is Your Friend! Give it all your data The Computer Is Your Friend! It will keep you safe Cause the Grand High Programmers Hardly ever make mistakes No wait they never make mistakes Outside these armor plated walls There’s nothing but a deadly wasteland To terrible to contemplate So if you contemplate it then you must be plotting treason! If you see something say something You may survive interrogation Oh oh oh oh – and remember: The Computer Is Your Friend Tell it all your secrets The Computer is Your Friend It is not insane Cause the Grand High Programmers Hardly ever go insane No wait they never go insane But beware of all the secret mutants slipping through the airlocks Infiltrating every level of society Cause the person standing next to you may be a secret mutant Working to destroy us all because they hate our freedom – If you see something say something And then report for termination Oh oh oh oh – and remember: The Computer Is Your Friend Give it all your freedom The Computer Is Your Friend It will keep it safe Cause the Grand High Programmers Well they’re not just Grand they’re great No wait they’re really really great!
9.
Goin' Jawa Rap - Star Wars Parody 00:55
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Well I’m cruising inside of my pumped up ride Got my hoodie pulled high above my glowing yellow eyes I’m going Jawa! Jawa style! That’s the way to be I’m going Jawa! Hiding in the rocks where nobody can see I’m going Jawa! Wondering if I call you “homie” or “shorty” All the Jawas in the house say Ooo Tee Nee! Now I’m rappin and I’m rappin it tightly You know the Jundland wastes should not be traveled lightly So I rock ’em in my monster truck If you are a lost droid, I might pick you up I’m going Jawa! If you need to chat your moisture vaporator Going Jawa! Got a droid here that was built by Darth Vader! I’m going Jawa! Or an astro droid in red or in blue – You don’t have to come on down, I’ll bring the store to you! This one is power droid, I don’t know what he does But we made an action figure of him just because Because we will sell any kind of Star Wars merchandise Except for Jar-Jar baby, that ain’t right Well I’m cruising inside of my pumped up ride Got my hoodie pulled high above my glowing yellow eyes Cruising through the desert just to see what we can see All the Jawas in the house say Ooo Tee Nee All the Jawas in the house say Ooo Tee Nee I’m going Jawa
10.
Stop Taking My Hand - Star Wars Parody 01:18
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Stop taking my hand I can run by myself Stop taking my It won’t help the situation Hand Do I have to get a robot hand? ‘Cause I will Stop taking my hand When I’m screaming “No!” Stop taking my Now I’m hanging on by one Hand That’s the last time I fight with you dad Until I get a robot hand Son when you were young I took your hand When I was older you took mine The dark inside All turned to light When you took my robot hand Start taking my hand Take my robot hand Start taking my Find your lack of faith disturbing Hand It is making me a better man Start taking my hand Take my bloody hand Start taking my I will have to think about it Hand Maybe someday but until then… Stop taking my hand!

credits

released August 19, 2017

Logo from a photo by Martin E. Biemer.

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Captain Ambivalent Valparaiso, Indiana

A satirical singer/ songwriter/ superhero with a sparkly gold accordion. His glacial rise from obscurity to international obscurity began in Valparaiso, Indiana and has grown to include Doctor Demento, The Midnight Special, South Bend Public Television, PierogiFest, GenCon, one-man shows in Fringe Festivals and alternative theaters, and even a brief cameo on America’s Got Talent. ... more

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