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Dungeon Master's Lament - DnD Parody

from Save The Orcs - EP by Captain Ambivalent

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about

Dedicated to all the NASCRAG judges.

lyrics

My little brother wants to play but he wants to be a half-orc paladin
I told him it don’t work that way but the parents say we have to let him
He’s gonna totally trash my carefully crafted steam-punk anime campaign!

You see the mayor stroke his beard, say “I think I have a job that you might fit”
My little brother scoffs and sneers, says “I draw my sword,” and rolls to hit
Now I’ve totally got twelve pages of plot I have to tear out and throw away

I’m surrounded by cretins, bloodthirsty cretins, they’re always getting in the way
Of the carefully balanced narrative talents I prepared for days and days

My little brother says OK he will switch to an elf barbarian
If he can have a dragon steed, claws like Wolverine, and a bacon golem
Now the others all say that they’d rather play here if my brother runs the game!

I’m surrounded by cretins, bloodthirsty cretins, they’re always getting in the way
Of the carefully balanced narrative talents I prepared for days and days
Now they’re hackin and slashin, blastin and bashin, with no subtlety or shame
I’m surrounded by cretins, bloodthirsty cretins, gosh I hope they let me play

credits

from Save The Orcs - EP, released August 19, 2017

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about

Captain Ambivalent Valparaiso, Indiana

A satirical singer/ songwriter/ superhero with a sparkly gold accordion. His glacial rise from obscurity to international obscurity began in Valparaiso, Indiana and has grown to include Doctor Demento, The Midnight Special, South Bend Public Television, PierogiFest, GenCon, one-man shows in Fringe Festivals and alternative theaters, and even a brief cameo on America’s Got Talent. ... more

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