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If I Were A Pirate Ninja Zombie

from Pirate Ninja Zombie by Captain Ambivalent

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about

A song of luuuuuuv.

lyrics

If I were a pirate I would carry off your heart
Swing down from the rigging with my parrot, saying “Arrr”
You must admit a sailing ship is cooler than a car
And if I were a pirate you would love me

And if I were a pirate I would know just what to do
I would take you to an island far across the ocean blue
Lock you in a secret cave and then I’d kill my crew
If I were a pirate, I’d love you

If I were a ninja I would steal away your heart
Silently I’d strike out from the shadows in the dark
You wouldn’t notice it was gone until you saw my mark
And if I were a ninja, you would love me

And if I were a ninja, I would know just what to do
Sweep you off your feet with all my special ninja moves
The secret ones you read about in ninja FAQs
If I were a ninja, I’d love you

If I were a zombie, I’d refuse to eat your heart
Brains or spleen or pancreas or any other part
I’d be there for you when you broke down by some deserted farm
And if I were a zombie you would love me

And if I were a zombie, I would know just what to do
I would rise up from my shallow grave beneath the toxic goo
Bite you just enough so you would be a zombie too
If I were a zombie I’d love you

But if I were a pirate ninja zombie, that’d be best
I would blow your mind with the combined advantages
The ride, the moves, the hickies baby
How could you resist?
If I were a pirate ninja zombie

And if I were a pirate ninja zombie, I would rule!
I’d be sitting high atop the pinnacle of cool
I’d be all over the Internet and on the talk shows too
If I were a pirate ninja zombie
If I were a pirate ninja zombie!

credits

from Pirate Ninja Zombie, released February 14, 2015
Discrete Drums by Tony Morra
Everything else by Dan Biemer

license

all rights reserved

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about

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Captain Ambivalent Valparaiso, Indiana

A satirical singer/ songwriter/ superhero with a sparkly gold accordion. His glacial rise from obscurity to international obscurity began in Valparaiso, Indiana and has grown to include Doctor Demento, The Midnight Special, South Bend Public Television, PierogiFest, GenCon, one-man shows in Fringe Festivals and alternative theaters, and even a brief cameo on America’s Got Talent. ... more

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